ADHD-Too Much Attention?

ADHD has a branding issue. In my experience, ADHD'ers have no deficit of attention.

Let's break this down. In terms of attention, I see two types. The hyperfocused and the hypervigilant/hyperaware (they are slightly different but I'm going to leave them together).

The hyper-focused puts ALL their attention on ONE thing. This is the friend you go out to dinner with who talks to you so intently they don't notice that the kitchen caught on fire. Or the partner who pulls out his phone to scroll the news while you have an intense emotional phone call with a friend and they hear NONE of it. (I may or may not know these people)

The hypervigilant/hyperaware will be so focused on EVERYTHING around them that they can't pay attention to any ONE thing. This is the friend you go out to dinner with who's attention darts to everything and everyone, and it takes 30 minutes to tell them a 10 minute story. Or the partner who walks out of the room mid conversation because they remembered something important in the other room. (Ok, ok, I do know these people)

Also, one person can be more one type or the other, or both types depending on the circumstances. I have an ADHD'er in my house who might not notice if I started screaming right now, depending on what he is doing. But when we go out to dinner later, he will notice everything so much it will drain him.

Either way, no lack of attention.

It can feel like they aren't paying attention but it just isn't true. They just aren't paying attention to what the other person wants them to. And to love an ADHD'er is to accept this. To love an ADHD'er is to get really good at asking for what you need. And how many of us how here, ADHD or not, could stand to get good at asking for what we need?